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Anger Is The Root Of The Raised Voice At Home – Control Anger And Stop Yelling
Is your house full of yelling, screaming or shouting? If so, OlyLife recommends that you work hard to stop raising your voices. Often the source of yelling starts with anger, sometimes it then just grows into a habit and folks are yelling all the time even when they are not really all that upset. So, how does one stop the screaming? Try the steps below.
1. Control the Emotion – When some event causes you to be upset or a person is doing something that is upsetting, count to ten taking deep breaths. Then calmly say “John, please put that kazoo down.” Expect to have to follow up calmly, “Johnny dear I asked you to put the kazoo down and please do so or you will get a time out.” If the blowing only gets louder, we suggest you count out loud one, two, three, then calmly walk over and say in a low voice “Johnny I’m sad that you misbehaved by not listening and I’m putting the kazoo on top of the fridge and you have lost it for a day and it is now time to have a five minute time out.” The point here is to replace the emotional outburst of a yell, with a series of deep breaths while counting and logical steps to end the behavior that is upsetting you.
2. Don’t go loud, go soft. When you want someone to listen, try getting very soft voiced. You will find that the other person may have to say “What Mom? Where did you say my doll was?” When you talk softly it is calming to you and to others around you. If your daughter is yelling from the living room when you are in the kitchen, you can say calmly I’m in the kitchen without yelling. Kids may only hear your voice faintly but will realize that they are not going to get a yell back, but will have to come in to the kitchen to get an answer to their question. You can teach them not to yell, “If you want to speak to me, please come and see me, don’t scream – ok honey? If you are in a situation where there is a disagreement with a spouse, you can quietly say “It is not reasonable for me to schedule dinner if you are not going to call me and tell me that you are running late. I know that you are busy and working hard, but it hurts my feelings when it seems as though you don’t feel I’m important enough to give me a quick call or text. Do you appreciate what I’m saying?” Keep the tone calm and quiet.
3. Forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness – re-double your efforts. “I’m sorry I yelled sweetie. I should tell you calmly to put your toys away and when you don’t I shouldn’t yell. Instead of yelling, I should give you a quiet time out or take the toys away as a consequence as you didn’t put them away when I first asked; but yelling is not a good example for you dear.” You are teaching that it is not ok to yell and creating accountability within your family.
4. If you can’t seem to control your anger, by counting and taking deep breaths or by really working hard to use a more quiet voice, then do not be afraid to seek help. Use sources like Dr. Phil or other experts, read on anger management, seek counseling from a licensed professional if you are not able to control your anger.
5. If yelling ever escalates to physical violence seek professional assistance right away whether you are the yeller or the one being yelled at. Don’t let the violence escalate – get professional help immediately and call the authorities and help hotlines if there is imminent danger to you or your children.
Stop Yelling and Lead A Better Life
All of us enjoy a peaceful and quiet time within our household. When you control your anger or get help for those who are yelling, you are making an improvement within your family and you are one step closer to making the most of your one and only life – That’s OlyLife.
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